Office holiday parties challenge introverts and those with social anxiety

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Understanding the Challenges of Workplace Holiday Parties

Ryan Arnold, a 46-year-old public relations professional, recalls a particularly awkward holiday party at a dive bar where he worked. The event featured coworkers passing around a tall glass boot filled with beer and the office manager belting out '80s power ballads between whiskey shots. His immediate thought was, "When can I leave?" More than 20 years later, Arnold still remembers that experience, which left him feeling socially anxious and uncomfortable. He now carefully considers whether to attend group gatherings, often opting for more private or low-key events.

For many introverts, shy individuals, and those with social anxiety, attending workplace holiday parties can be draining or emotionally challenging. These events often come with pressure to appear happy and engaged, which can be difficult for people who feel out of place in large social settings. During the holiday season, when workplaces celebrate with cocktail hours, gift exchanges, and other forms of organized fun, the internal debate about whether to attend can become especially intense.

Laura MacLeod, a professor of social work at the City University of New York, explains that there is often an unspoken expectation to be enthusiastic about these events. "Some people are just not party people," she said. "With a workplace holiday party, there's a pressure to be very happy and excited. It's the end of the year, it's the holidays, we're all feeling grand. And maybe people are not really feeling that grand."

Tips for Surviving Work Holiday Parties

Attending work parties can also create uncertainty about professional boundaries, especially when alcohol is involved. MacLeod, who runs a consulting company called From the Inside Out Project, emphasizes the importance of maintaining a balance between social interaction and professionalism.

Here are some practical tips for navigating these events:

Dress for Comfort

Choosing the right outfit can make a big difference in how you feel during the event. MacLeod advises knowing the dress code and selecting something comfortable within acceptable parameters. "If it's not your thing to wear five- or six-inch heels, just because it's a holiday party, don't do it," she said. "If you want flat shoes, wear flat shoes."

Arrive Early, Head for the Middle

Introverts and shy individuals may find smaller crowds more manageable. Arriving early can help avoid the largest crowds, and positioning yourself in the center of the room can make it easier to engage in conversations. If you feel overwhelmed, it's okay to leave early. You can say something like, "I just wanted to come and be sure to wish everybody happy holidays. ... I've got some family things I have to handle tonight, so this is a quick stop for me."

Plan Talking Points

Thinking ahead about topics you enjoy discussing can reduce anxiety. Psychologist Andrea Taylor from UTHealth Houston suggests asking open-ended questions, such as about a colleague’s holiday plans or what they like to do outside of work. Keeping conversations light and avoiding divisive topics can also help.

For interactions with high-level bosses, Taylor recommends keeping it short and simple: "This is a great party. Thank you so much for doing all this. It's been a great year, and I hope you and your family have a lovely holiday," and then move on.

Don’t Stress About Awkward Silence

People with social anxiety often fear silence, but it's perfectly normal. Taylor notes that silences don't always mean you need to fill them. If a conversation lags, it's okay to acknowledge the pause and change the subject. She also warns against assuming someone is bored with you if they seem distracted. There could be many reasons for their behavior, such as fatigue or personal stress.

Seek Allies or Bring Support

Finding like-minded individuals can make the event more enjoyable. Carla Pruitt, a business development associate, shares her experience of bringing socks to a holiday gift exchange only to be embarrassed when no one wanted them. She now looks for others who share common interests, such as pet lovers or parents, to connect with at work events. Having support, such as a babysitter or a spouse, can also make attending more comfortable.

To Go or Not to Go?

Taylor encourages people with social anxiety to consider whether attending is necessary. Focusing on the activity rather than feelings can help manage anxiety. "It's possible to feel anxious and still do things," she said. "And actually, once we do that, we tend to walk away from that with a feeling of accomplishment and self-efficacy."

Arnold, who owns a PR firm, often declines invitations to events unless there's a specific reason to attend. He prefers spending time with his wife and books over social gatherings. For those who struggle with workplace parties, it's important to weigh the benefits and decide what works best for their comfort level.