Why You Should Never Sign a Marriage Contract Without Reading Every Word—Even If Pressured

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“Never just ‘sign here,’ especially if someone, even your husband, is telling you to do so.” That’s the sort of tip you receive after having been taken for a ride but it’s one that will save you from a lifetime of what-ifs, not just a terrible day. If you imagine the old “sign here” joke is something which only occurs in the movies or fools, then think again. It can happen to anyone, particularly when love, trust, and forms collide.

Let’s step back for a moment and look at a tale that is all too common for so many of us. A bride-to-be, with the thrill of creating a new life, sits in a builder’s office, pen clutched in hand, husband detailing for her just to sign the final page of a contract. Not time to read it, he promises. But curiosity, or perhaps instinct, overcomes her. She goes for page one. What she reads is horrifying: her own house as collateral on a loan, the new home titled only to her husband. When she refuses to sign, threats get more outlandish. She is informed that she must sign because he already has. But she doesn’t buckle, she leaves, and gets through a money disaster that might have killed her and the life she’d known.

This is not merely a story of one woman’s bravery. It’s a warning to anyone who’s ever felt the fire to set pen to paper particularly when that fire is from someone you love. As Paul Colaianni, the author of “The Overwhelmed Brain,” so eloquently puts it, “You get groomed into loving and trusting someone that plans to turn against you after they know you are loyal to them. They make you believe they are kind, supportive, and loving. You get conditioned into believing that they are really there for you and have your best interest in mind.” (Paul Colaianni, The Overwhelmed Brain)

Pressure to sign without reading is not just a red flag it’s usually the last play of a string of manipulations that can begin long before the documents arrive. Come in love bombing: a strategy where someone overwhelms you with attention, presents, and over-the-top affection in an attempt to win your trust and get you into debt. Love bomber’s true agenda is not so much finding love, but asserting control over another, explains Alaina Tiani, PhD, a psychologist. “The love bomber’s ultimate goal is not just to seek love, but to gain control over someone else. Over time, those grand gestures are an effort to manipulate you and make you feel indebted to and dependent on them.” (Alaina Tiani, Cleveland Clinic)

So how do you recognize love bombing from financial manipulation before it spirals out of control? Look out for giveaway behaviors: hyper-flattery, over-contacting, incessant unwanted gifts, and hurrying to close up the relationship. If the partner becomes upset when you wish to spend time with friends or relatives, or if they begin probing boundaries when you say “no,” these are signature moves in the emotional manipulation playbook. (Colorado University Health)

But that’s where it gets particularly complicated: money abuse is likely to be in plain sight in a marriage. It’s not necessarily going to look like somebody stealing from you instead, it may appear as having your paycheck stolen from you, being put on an allowance, or being coerced into co-signing loans or signing over assets. Per WomensLaw.org, If you’ve said ‘yes’ to more than one of the following, your partner might be financially abusing you. (WomensLaw.org) The signs are being requested to sign something you have not read, being kept in the dark about family finances, or being informed that you don’t need to know specifics.

The legal consequences of signing under duress are severe. While it’s true that contracts signed under duress or without proper disclosure can sometimes be challenged in court, the reality is that proving coercion is tough. Once you’ve signed, it’s your name on the line and that can mean losing assets, taking on debt, or even facing accusations of fraud if the paperwork is misleading. That’s why it’s so important to demand independent review of any deal, particularly those involving major assets such as your house, retirement funds, or co-signing loans.

This is what experts and activists suggest to guard yourself:

• Don’t sign something you haven’t read verbatim. If somebody is attempting to hurry you into signing, that’s a red flag to delay.
• Bring in your own lawyer. Don’t rely on your partner’s lawyer or a “neutral” third party. Your lawyer is present to represent you, not someone else.
• Ask questions lots of them. If you don’t receive a clause, have them explain it. If you’re still not happy, don’t sign.
• Be on the lookout for isolation strategies. If your partner warns you off speaking with friends, family, or experts about the agreement, that’s a serious red flag.
• Keep your financials confidential. Update passwords, check your credit, and only share sensitive information if you absolutely trust your partner’s motives. (WomensLaw.org)
• Be cautious about co-signing credit cards or loans. If your partner falls behind, you’ll be responsible.

If you’re being manipulated or coerced, speak with someone who’s trustworthy whether that’s a friend, family member, or an expert. “If you voice something that’s made you uncomfortable and somebody takes that feedback and incorporates it and changes their behavior moving forward, they probably respect you and care about your relationship. But if they’re combative, argumentative or continue to disrespect your boundaries, those are red flags,” explains Dr. Tiani (Cleveland Clinic).

And if you should get hurt or feel insecure, just remember that there is support out there to include domestic violence hotlines and legal assistance. The single best thing that you can do is trust your instincts and protect your financial health. Sometimes the soundest decision you can make is to stand up and leave the table pen unbuckled but not signed.