My BF is turning our private moments into Instagram thirst traps. How do I tell him I’m more than just “content”?
Dear Jake,
I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, and while there are some sweet moments between us, I’m starting to feel like I’m being used. Specifically, as social media content.
He’s super into Instagram—like, really into it. He’s constantly posting suggestive pics, checking his follower count during dinner, and tweaking captions mid-date. I’m not even kidding—once we were talking about something kind of personal, and he cut me off to say, “Wait, I just hit 10K!” I tried to be happy for him, but I also felt weirdly invisible.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Lately, he’s been featuring me in his posts. Not in a “soft-launch” couple way—but more like I’m just another accessory to his online persona. He’ll snap a pic of me lying half-naked in bed next to him, tag me, and caption it with something flirty or thirst-trappy. The photos always seem carefully staged to make him look good, and I can’t help but feel like I’m just a prop in his digital brand.
It’s not that I’m anti-social media—I get that it’s a big part of queer life. But I’m starting to feel more like a backdrop than a boyfriend, and I don’t know how to bring that up without sounding jealous or petty.
Am I overthinking this… or is it something I need to address?
Content Warning
Dear Content Warning ,
There’s something unsettling about seeing a private moment suddenly appear on someone’s public feed. Even if it’s meant to be flattering, it can feel like a violation—a quiet moment repurposed for attention. You didn’t consent to become part of a thirst trap—you were just trying to share space with someone you care about.
So, you’re not wrong to feel the way you do. When your body and presence are broadcast to an audience—even one filtered through flirty captions and warm lighting—it’s fair to ask: Am I being loved here, or leveraged?
Let’s be clear: social media isn’t the villain. It’s how we connect, celebrate, and sometimes flirt with the world. But when your relationship starts to feel more curated than cared for, it’s time to pause.
From what you’re describing, this guy isn’t just a casual poster—he’s actively building a personal brand. That’s not inherently wrong… unless the people around him are being folded into that brand without full consent or genuine emotional reciprocity. Posting a hot photo isn’t the same as sharing real intimacy—and tagging someone isn’t the same as making them feel truly seen.
None of this behavior—posting, tagging, sharing—crosses a clear moral line. It’s not “wrong” in a traditional sense. But your discomfort isn’t coming from nowhere. It’s rooted in something deeper: the sense that your privacy and presence are being used in a way that doesn’t feel grounded in care.
Let’s call it what it is: this isn’t just someone who enjoys Instagram. It’s someone chasing validation, building an audience, and using your image as part of that climb. Maybe he’s wrapped up in the idea of becoming an influencer. You’re not being overly dramatic for noticing that.
The best thing you can do is bring this into the open—not with accusations, but with curiosity and clarity. You might say something like: “I get that social media’s a big part of your life, and I’m not trying to take that away. But when you post private moments without checking in with me, it honestly makes me feel like I’m just there to be seen. I just want to feel like I matter to you, not just to your followers.”
This gives him the chance to examine what really matters to him. If he minimizes your concerns or gets defensive, that tells you something. If he’s open and willing to listen—even better.
It’s also okay to set boundaries. You get to decide what kinds of photos or moments you’re comfortable having shared. You might say, “Hey, that one felt a little too intimate for public consumption,” and you don’t need to justify it. You’re a person—not part of a personal brand strategy.
You’re not being petty. You’re asking for respect. And when someone’s more focused on their audience than their actual connection with you, it’s okay—sometimes necessary—to draw the line.
Real love isn’t about hitting a heart icon. It’s about feeling safe, seen, and valued—on and off the screen. At the end of the day, you deserve a relationship that doesn’t just look good online, but feels good in real life, too.
Ask Jake is our advice column by Single Sparkleeditor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Jake Myers. If you have a question for Jake, email jakemyers@Single Sparkle , or connect with Jake even deeper through his LGBTQ therapy platform .
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